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HentaiVerse

Derenai Family [English] [Rewrite]

Manga
Posted:2015-02-12 20:05
Parent:786353
Visible:Yes
Language:English  RW
File Size:5.50 MiB
Length:15 pages
Favorited:652 times
Rating:
504
Average: 2.01

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Posted on 12 February 2015, 20:05 by:   Bia.Matsuo    PM
Uploader Comment
Original English Version:
https://e-hentai.org/g/495373/e64111b86d/

As some of the community members don't like rewrites, I'm starting a blog where I'll be uploading them:
http://hentai-rewrites.blogspot.com.br/

@spierdalacz
"So how low the score has to get for you to understand that rewrites aren't exactly welcome here? If you're going to write fanfiction, go to appropriate sites."

People put hentai artist on pedestals, when most of them don't even try to make a proper story. People set standards that even the artist himself don't have. Words like "desecrate" are generaly used to describe rewrites... Really?? Desecrate? "The act of depriving something of its sacred or holy character". People take porn too seriously, and yet... I'm almost with 300 additions to favorite with my other rewrite, so they are "welcome here", but not by you!

The only argument I'm taking seriously is jankull's. And to him I apologize for my mistakes, because that's constructive criticism.
Posted on 12 February 2015, 16:51 by:   smartz118    PM
Score +280
I remember the original story was a boy meeting his girlfriend's mother, not his own mother....
Last edited on 12 February 2015, 21:58.
Posted on 12 February 2015, 17:25 by:   Hinoron    PM
Score -100
I have generally not enjoyed rewrites. At some point or another, there's some (or even many) jarring inconsistencies between what's drawn and what's read that take me back out of the story. Haven't seen many that were well-written with proper spelling and grammar either, and who wants to jack off to something a 5th-grader might have wrote? Ew.

This one though... No misspellings or really awful grammar caught my notice, and mainly the only thing changed was the background relationship between the three, so we get almost the same story but with much more... INTERESTING implications! I'm gonna vote it up. ^_^
Posted on 12 February 2015, 18:48 by:   H0R0    PM
Score +184
p01 she calls him onii-san, that mean he is her older brother.
p11/12 he calls her nee-san, that mean she is his older sister.

so who is older than who?
Posted on 12 February 2015, 19:20 by:   jankull    PM
Score +287
@Hinoron: U kidding?

I opened one page to check this work, the 02, and I already saw three errors...

"It's been so long since you two don't VISIST me..."
"LEAVING alone can be really boring..."
and for the 2nd time: "...kids could spare a moment to VISIST me!"

Sorry pal, but even if you can make the best rewrite of the world, I won't even bother reading it if you don't bother readproof it...

1.5 stars, for the good typesetting and the merging of page 12.

Always re-read your work twice before posting it, at a normal pace.
Posted on 12 February 2015, 19:37 by:   Volaverunt    PM
Score +93
>Rewrite of this already translated awesome hentai
I understand the reasoning, but not the emotion.
Posted on 12 February 2015, 20:30 by:   spierdalacz    PM
Score +293
So how low the score has to get for you to understand that rewrites aren't exactly welcome here? If you're going to write fanfiction, go to appropriate sites.
Posted on 12 February 2015, 23:22 by:   ForTheLolzzz    PM
Score -90
I like this more
Posted on 13 February 2015, 01:34 by:   brandivolgio    PM
Score +110
Rewrites in 2015
Posted on 13 February 2015, 12:43 by:   procrasterbator    PM
Score +56
Y u do dis. Please stop.
Posted on 13 February 2015, 14:18 by:   Zippy8k    PM
Score +1
oh hey an olddogs clone.

Sadly, he's not too smart as the others.
Posted on 15 February 2015, 22:11 by:   bubu1111    PM
Score +45
rewrites are the cancer that is killing /h/
Posted on 17 February 2015, 05:35 by:   mondo2000    PM
Score +75
I don't mind rewrites as long as they are good, it is labeled as a rewrite, and the original is already translated into English.

Your rewrite fits all three criteria, Great work.
Posted on 18 February 2015, 19:25 by:   Xternien    PM
Score -34
Nice, thanks.
Posted on 08 March 2015, 00:29 by:   johndoeqa12    PM
Score -31
there should be more
Posted on 11 April 2015, 06:09 by:   MightyHonks    PM
Score +7
This is bad and you should feel bad. I wish there was still the option to expunge something for being trash.
Posted on 01 October 2015, 03:06 by:   Biodeamon    PM
Score +9
Is it just me or does the brother look a bit like Gabriel from Penny arcade?

All things aside this was actually surprisingly, if not just amusing. But did it cut off or was that really the end of it?
Posted on 16 May 2017, 04:10 by:   pandekage    PM
Score +24
Hey I actually quite liked this rewrite. It was really naughty and fit the images well. I hope you do more :)
Posted on 21 March 2018, 03:39 by:   Shinryu-Rex    PM
Score -8
@H0R0
"p11/12 he calls her nee-san, that mean she is his older sister."
Fuck are you on about? Nee-san is younger sister
Nii-san = younger brother
Nee-san = younger sister
Onii-san = older brother
Onee-san = older sister
Posted on 04 May 2018, 16:13 by:   passboxx    PM
Score -6
The incest angle did absolutely nothing to improve the story. In fact, it only made it awkward. Please don't be so quick to change the original story when you yourself lack any storytelling chops.
Posted on 09 October 2019, 17:17 by:   danielwain    PM
Score +9
@Shinryu-Rex
If you want to correct someone, at least make sure you know your shit instead of looking like an idiot. Nee-san/Nii-san is simply an abbreviation of Onee-san/Onii-san. Imouto/Otouto is for younger siblings. Additionally, Onee-san/Onii-san is not strictly used for family and can refer to someone who's simply a bit older than the person using it (generally used for teenagers to younger adults). Ane/Ani would be more conclusive, since those refer strictly to your own sister or brother (not definitive, though, since it can refer to family members that aren't blood-related, e.g. brother's wife). In fact, the -san honorific makes it even less likely, since that indicates a certain amount of distance and is generally not used for the family of the person speaking, unless they grew up separated or such.

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