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[CViperFan] FIRECRACKER (Bleach)

Western
Posted:2014-05-17 16:35
Parent:None
Visible:Yes
Language:English  
File Size:3.65 MiB
Length:19 pages
Favorited:20 times
Rating:
33
Average: 4.07
language:
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female:
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Posted on 17 May 2014, 17:05 by:   nighthero7    PM
Score +24
Certainly not that bad for a first time, and while it does seem more like a fanfiction story turned doujin, I can appreciate it. So hope you make more and welcome to the internet.
Posted on 17 May 2014, 17:38 by:   chaos-x    PM
Score +13
Artists HF: http://www.hentai-foundry.com/user/PervyViper/profile
Posted on 03 June 2014, 10:07 by:   captaindope    PM
Score +15
For you first doujin you did OK. The story and dialogue were fine. But you should work on drawing female faces in a more feminine way. To me it looked like Kuukaku and Soifon had the same face of a youthful man with black hair. Also, Kuukaku's breasts are meant to be almost as big as Rangiku's :)

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