Someone asked me to try removing the wrinkles from the lady in this and to try to make her look younger. I dooo think she looks great as she is, but I wanted to please this person and I got a really strong impulse to work on it too, so I ended up trying it.

He also asked me to try doing a rewrite, and I didn't really want to do that at all, but I had a really romantic related kind of dream after that, and now I've kind of done the rewrite anyway, and thought I should include it. The rewrite also has changed mouths so she is happier and sluttier across the entire thing, and one page has had a panel swapped out because it just seemed so oddly placed with what was in the page previous to it. Then at the request of another person I've now saved a third final set that is the rewrited dialogue withOUT the deaging.

I know most people are against rewrites, but I still thought should share it anyway, since some people might still be able to enjoy it.

Credit goes to Blumeino and his wonderful friends for gathering and translating and sharing it in the first place ♥

Edit: Thank you for replies ♥ And I understand too, and knew that rewrite would not please many. The large amounts of text was asked for by the original requester, and was made to please them. Originally was much less text and had different ideas, but they asked for many things to be included. If you like, can try and make another set with slimmed down text :)

I think you did a nice job with the de-editing, even if you might be displeasing the "We need more milfs with wrinkles" crowd in the process.

My biggest critique about your rewrite can be summarized by this page (even though I dislike relying on TvTropes): http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TalkingIsAFreeAction

I get what you wanted to capture, but it's just too much dialogue for each bubble. They look positively crammed already from the thumbnails. Here's to seeing you improving in your next work.

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Awesome stuff, and by keeping two versions in one place surely everyone must be pleased

Base +9

This is why people don't like rewrites, the ridiculous speech, bad English and typos only serve to destroy your suspension of disbelief.

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An interesting idea, but it defeats the purpose of the original. You may be able to edit out the wrinkles, but she still has granny tits.

Base +5, visarend +7, Mr. J4ck +5, Kenzaki Kazuma +20, biscardone +5, Madotsukii +4, Victor DoUrden +12

An idea: put wrinkles on Izuna. It'll be good for a laugh.

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I liked the aged version more just because fetish, but the de-aged version is pretty good as well. You did a good job with that. The rewrite seems forced. Can't say I like it, but it's definitely better than a lot of other rewrites I've seen. You've got potential. I'd recommend you try again. As long as there's already a translation out, it's not like you'll do any harm.

Base +9, DJdeCOSPLAY -4

The edit was nicely done work, but I agree with mojomunkeez on the rewrite. You have, quite simply, FAR too much text crammed into each bubble. You should be cutting it down by half, at least. Each bubble should optimally have have one 'thought', getting across the main point of what's being said. Especially when you have limited space (like a rewrite where you can't make new bubbles over the ones already there) 'thought space' is at a premium. You should be saying the most interesting or provoking lines, letting your story flow, and leave the reader to fill in the smaller gaps. You're also repeating things a little too much; we get that the pregnancy is the big 'story' here, but overusing the main theme takes away from it. Take page 14 for example where cutting out "You even filled... made me pregnant." makes the bubble flow much cleaner, though I DID like the "try for twins" line.

I hope you take this as not a chastisement, but some advice to help make your work better!

Base +10, Shanzenkou +8, Victor DoUrden +12, nighthero7 +10

Thanks for the de-edit! Can't hate really because there's another version with the wrinkles..

Base +7, Kenzaki Kazuma +20, Kiranta +6

So you've basically Photoshopped a 2D woman...

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What kind of sick perverted man didn't like wrinkles?

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Neither version is really my cup of tea, I still however enjoyed the original for being different and your edited version for the effort you put into it. But no matter what I'll almost never truly like any rewrite, nothing against you personally but every rewrite I have ever read was never quite in harmony with the flow of the original manga. As such they always make me feel like I'm being scammed.

Base +9

i prefer the wrinkles, but i can masturbate to both

Base +7, FutanariToyBoy +2

Why this story is so short? Hot milf kitsune - I like it.

Base +5, Victor DoUrden +12

Love it love it love it. Everything about this is pretty super.

Base +6, Victor DoUrden +12, nighthero7 +10

This is great! Never seen anything like it before. Really nice job with the wrinkles, though I'm not into them. Would've been pretty creative if you used the original art at the end of your rewrite, but with different dialogue to show aging or a time skip even if it is the same positions.

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