The dialog is completely different in this version compared to the one in Motokano. It's almost like this is a re-write. If this is ever translated, it should be the Motokano version.
Seconding BiZzAr0, this looks like a japanese re-write, the first pages were cut-off and the guy's hair has also been edited to look as if they're related, not the original story.
The original can be found in the link D3DIZ posted.