Kodaka looks Terrible...

Base +5, Nights002 +3, Bobangock +1, Cadavrus +4, cAntW0 +6, robnovem +7, WillDynas +7, 雨宮 優子 +24, PrivateEyes +7, Duculescu Valentin Gabi +8, MC Arisato -1, Bamioum +5, danixxx +30, and 3 more...

Kodaka looks fine. When dealing with doujinshi I'm content with going with whatever style a circle has.
My issue is this feels a bit out of character. That combined with the body structure makes this Kodaka feel like a pushy guy in a shoujo manga. Doesn't help that he's blonde which between the blonde and black hair guys (very common for shoujo) is usually the one given that trait.
Kodaka would be distraught at being stereotyped as such.

Still, in the end it can all be explained away by "It was all a dream..."

Base +1, WillDynas -7, deuce22 -9, Kazuar +7, siverThrone +5, mickl3 +8, AmazingButterfly +4, MC Arisato +1, iRemember +7, Song Yu +4, Bamioum +5, ShiroAceman -7

I don't know why you two are focusing on the guy and not on the meat of the doujin.

Base +23, Kazuar +7, perttyhoy007 +4, WillDynas -7, BlickWinkel +8, deuce22 -9, 雨宮 優子 +24, AmazingButterfly +4, xShadowWingx +5, mrt07 +8, Nayabel +1, toyachikage99 +10, bitcruncher +14, and 21 more...

Aaah, fresh meat...

Base +8, Kazuar +7, Darkestvamp +7, xShadowWingx +5, Duculescu Valentin Gabi +8, uhho +12, ayaaaaa +8, Bamioum +5, danixxx +30, Iron Clad Granite +8, Jimmy Russels +5, SpankBank89 +5, Epherion +7, and 1 more...

FTW was this crap? This shit looks like a fucking shoujo. This doujin sucks, too bad it's a BokuTomo doujin, 'cause it really sucks ass.
EDIT: It still looks like a fucking shoujo. Hence, it sucks. Bad.

Base +4, AmazingButterfly -4, eykoal -6, xShadowWingx -5, mrt07 -8, Randomguy664 -9, Lanim -9, Duculescu Valentin Gabi -8, Kahm -10, MC Arisato -1, heshang -7, uhho -12, steeljackrabbit -5, and 4 more...

i dont know why people complain about he art style not fitting the original...guys i know anime and manga stuff all looks similar but drawing other people style aint easy...also to desirelessness rule #34 look it up

Base +7, MC Arisato +1, heshang +7, uhho +12, nablandian +11, KaiserBuliwyf -8

love that final page

Base +2

Pixiv: http://www.pixiv.net/member.php?id=5287
HP: http://ichipan.kaguky.com/

Base +6

Sequel: https://e-hentai.org/g/467816/928cc8a2d3/

Base +12