I don't think this is all that bad, in fact this is one of the few EZ Rewrites I've read that doesn't look like a half-assed attempt. I don't know what the original was about but honestly in context of the images it works quite well. I found it arousing.

Base +5, Hellwalker1221 +6

raw: https://e-hentai.org/s/86833d5e17/62252-39
English translation: https://e-hentai.org/s/285dc0fd16/339481-37

Base +33